Options

My life as of late has consisted of spending time with family, applying for jobs all over the country, and looking into working abroad options.

I can’t help but feel completely discouraged at times. It’s hard – I know I can do the jobs for which I apply, but does the person looking at my simple resume? Surely not. What, then, am I supposed to do? I’m not an excellent student. I didn’t go above and beyond on extracurricular activities. I have basically no leadership experience. And as far as professional experience goes, I have a 5-month-long internship to bring to the table, but that’s it. And it doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere.

My grandmother asked me this question when I came to her for advice: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

I said I wanted a house.

Of course, I want more than that, but I lived alone for 2 years in college and now I’m living with my parents again in a house that I didn’t grow up in. I feel out of place. So, I want a house of my own.

The house stands for much more: freedom, independence, my own schedule, things going the way I want them to. Not answering to anyone in my own home.

I think about the “home” and it’s not necessarily a house, it’s just my own place. At a time in my life where I’ve established roots and friendships and have experienced life in a way different from what anyone would have thought. Things just being my own.

It’s hard to see where I’m going to be in 5 years. I could be working abroad. I could be working here. I could be doing something in publishing, something I’ve always imagined for myself, or I could be doing something I’ve never even heard of.

It’s a teeter-totter of emotions. Sometimes I believe I “can do anything” I want to do, and sometimes I feel completely worthless and lost.

Nobody tells you how hard it really is. Nobody prepares you for being thrown into the deep end. I know one day all of the persistence will pay off, but for now, I’m not enjoying this “season” of my life.

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Those 20-somethings

I read this article on the NY Times the other day.

I feel it adequately describes the generation that I am [regretfully] a part of. Can I say regretfully since it’s talking about me? I don’t know.

I’m a little bitter at this point. I’ve been living in my parents’ house for about a week now, and it’s a week too long. What are you gonna do?